I turned my car onto my quiet and peaceful street early one morning not too long ago.  I was just a few houses and several finely manicured lawns from pulling in to my driveway.  I could smell the coffee that I had already brewed waiting for me, and I couldn’t wait to pour a cup and snuggle in to the warmth of my restful Saturday morning.  And then out of the corner of my eye I saw her.  When I drive, I’m usually in my zone unaware of the souls around me.  But for one split second our eyes met.  I saw her mouth moving and her hand gesturing wildly, and completely out of the ordinary for me I pressed my foot against the break and rolled my window down.  I couldn’t hear what she was saying because my mind was loudly protesting what I was about to do.

Before I knew it she was in my car and telling me where she needed to go.  In my flippant and careless remarks as she opened the door and I was frantically throwing things in my back seat,  I said, “I’m sorry-I tend to live out of my car.”  And what she said next changed me…prayerfully forever.  Without hesitation she said, “At least you have a home.”  It literally took me an hour to process what she said to me in that split second.

As we drove a few blocks, I could feel my body stiffen with anxiety and questions and doubt.  I just wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing.  And then she asked me to pray for her.  I could feel the Holy Spirit seep in to all of my discomfort and soften every one of my stiff and calloused joints.  I simply leaned into the comfort and peace of Jesus.

I opened my mouth to offer my prayer and before I could utter one syllable she burst into one of the most powerful prayers I had heard in a long time.  She was speaking scripture and proclaiming the name of Jesus.  I instinctively reached out my hand and she grabbed mine, and I added my short prayer at the end.  As I was driving relying only on the instructions she was giving me, I looked over at her and for the first time I allowed myself to peer into her soul.  What my earthly eyes saw was a woman who was spent.  She had spent every ounce of her being on the things of this world that were killing her body.  Drugs, sex, abusive relationships, I don’t know her whole story, but her tear streaked-mascara stained face said a lot to me.  In that desperate and powerful prayer, and through the salty sobs, her soul was crying out in deep need for freedom from the chains that were bolting her to a lifestyle of that leads to utter destruction.

She’d had a rough night to say the least. Her body was shaking after an awful encounter with an abusive man she had just met. She had lost the security of the place she was living. Jobless, and penniless, she was trying to break free from  a lifestyle that was devouring her soul.  Thankfully there was a room at a shelter, and everything in me wanted to to drive her right to that place where her very soul could be nurtured and tended and rest could be found. But she hesitated.  I could see the struggle within her as she grappled with what to do next.  Clearly she had been at this place in her life before, and whatever her reasons were, she chose not to go to the shelter.  When I felt her slipping away, I knew I had to give her back to Jesus.  She just wasn’t quite ready to step in to the help that was waiting for her.

total dependence

Seeing just a glimpse into her eyes and soul in the very brief encounter with Amber, I saw a reflection of myself in my friend.  Maybe the two of us aren’t as different as we appear to be. At first glance I am fully aware that I have never walked the road Amber has walked, or experienced her pain and I have not known her hardships. I also will never be able to completely grasp what tragedies or unspeakable things have caused her to turn to the life she lives. But when I look again I see a woman who is desperate for the love of a Savior.  One who desires to be loved and valued and feel worthy.  She’s just longing for the protection of His shelter and the warmth of His embrace.  Her soul’s cry is for the freedom from the bolting chains the promises of this world has so deceptively offered.  Hearing Jesus call her beloved and beautiful and daughter and friend would be a soothing balm to the wounds in her soul.  I see myself in Amber not long before I stepped in to the hiding place and shelter of Jesus Christ.

Total Dependence

God desires total dependence on Him.  He wants to meet each and every need we have.  Total Dependence on God can be a whole lot harder than it sounds.  Perhaps, like Amber, when we get to what we think is the end or rock bottom it is actually the opportunity we have for finding the most secure shelter and fulfillment we could be offered this side of heaven. Why is it sometimes so challenging to accept the outstretched hand of God and let go of all the things we think can fulfill us?

He’s the one who calls me beloved, beautiful one, daughter and friend-and refreshes my weary, broken soul with His love, His Word.  He desires me to be still long enough to hear Him whisper His love to me.  Am I desperate enough for His presence that I look to nothing else to satisfy?  His presence is the place of shelter I so desperately desire.  But how many times do I get out of my car and walk back to things I think are going to satisfy and fulfill me, while in the process I’m shutting the door to the shelter only He can provide?

Dear Jesus,  I am forever grateful to you for the divine appointment with Amber.  My sister, my friend.  I don’t know where she is this moment.  But You do.  I can see you pursuing her with your unfailing and faithful love and persistence the same way you have pursued me.   Only you can set her free.  But I know without at doubt You knew Amber when she was just a girl.  You desire to set her free from the bondage and chains, just as you have set me free.  Your very Word is in her-I heard it. You love her still and always will. You want her to turn back-I want her to turn back. God I pray she chooses the shelter and most supreme protection she could ever have-You. Give her the bravery and the courage to let go and step in to the freedom you have for her.

Jesus-I turn to you. First, I repent for all of the eyes I walk past each and every day that I ignore or turn a blind to. Each of them have value and worth and there are so many longing to be to free.  Thank you for breaking my heart for what breaks yours.  God I pray for you to open the eyes of all believers and show us how to look deeply in to souls and speak life and truth and extend your love to those who who are in desperate need of You.  Forgive us all God for our stiff-necked, apathetic and self-centered sin sickness.  Please wake us up and pour out your Spirit on your sons and daughters.  Set the captives free through the power of your love.

I don’t need anything in this entire world but you Jesus.  You are all I will ever need.  Forgive me sweet Jesus when I run back to the things that don’t satisfy.  I long to fill my mind with Your Truth, Your Word, Your Love,Your Hope.  I can never find my worth in anything else, it’s not in a position, an accolade, in wealth, in acceptance, in a career, in fame, in people, or education. It’s found in one simple, amazing powerful name. The name above all names who is you-Jesus Christ. You alone have the power to fulfill my intricately designed heart-my  mind and my emotions with all that I long for. Make me desperate for dependence on you alone sweet Jesus.  I step in to the the Shelter of You.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.   I will say of the Lord, “He is my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”  Psalm 91:1,2

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this;  While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.  Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him.  Romans 5:8,9

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;  my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation.  My stronghold. Psalm 18:2

Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.  He himself will redeem (you) Israel from all their sins.  Psalm 130: 7,8

You are the light of the light of the world…  Matthew 5:14